This was going to be the year. You made a short list of New Year’s resolutions and promised yourself you’d work hard on each of them. Now that little voice in your head is reminding you that you haven’t lived up to your own expectations. That frustrating and sometimes motivating voice is what we call the inner critic … and it leaves you feeling less than on the regular. Fortunately, there are ways to tame your inner critic.
- Acknowledge it. The first step in taming your inner critic is paying attention to when it’s active and what it’s telling you. Listen carefully to your inner dialogue, especially when you’re going through moments of self-doubt or frustration. Often, we’ve heard that voice so long that we don’t even notice the effect it’s having on our mood or self concept.
- Challenge it. Now that you’ve identified the inner critic’s messages, start challenging them. Inner critics often exaggerate, generalize, or distort the truth and it leaves your questioning yourself. Be honest with yourself: is the criticism valid, or is it based on assumptions, fears, or past experiences that no longer apply?
- Offer yourself compassion. What would you say to a friend who was feeling bad? You’d probably offer kindness, patience, and understanding. Give yourself the same gift of being your own friend in this case. When you’re kind to yourself, you can soften the harshness and replace your critic with a more nurturing inner voice.
- Prioritize progress. Inner critics often focus on what’s wrong, what’s lacking, or what hasn’t been accomplished. When that happens, intentionally shift your focus and remind yourself of your strengths, achievements, and the progress you’ve made—no matter how small it may seem.
- Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness can help you detach from the negative thoughts of the inner critic. When you’re fully present and aware, you’re better able to observe the critic without accepting its thoughts as accurate or letting them control your actions.
Taming your inner critic is an ongoing process that requires patience and practice. The more you work at it, the better you’ll get at replacing those negative thoughts with greater confidence and self-compassion. Instead of being paralyzed by self-judgment, you’ll learn to recognize the critic’s messages for what they are—a passing thought, not the truth about who you are or what you’re capable of accomplishing. Need help finding that supportive voice? One of our professional counselors can help you explore the messages your critic sends and find the best ways to replace them with positive and supportive words.