In our lives, holidays are rarely about a single day. That’s particularly true about the ones we celebrate as the year draws to a close. Instead, they represent a collection of events and activities, many of which represent traditions in our families, friend groups, and communities. Traditions are familiar rituals, and we look forward to them every year. When we watch our children participate, we imagine they’ll continue those traditions with their own children.
Of course, some traditions don’t survive beyond the first couple generations. Often, that’s a good thing. People used to laugh when Great-Grampy used to force all the kids to down a shot of whiskey after dinner. Can’t believe they thought doing that was funny. But doesn’t it make you wonder how your grandkids might come to react to traditions the family has outgrown?
This holiday season, think about your own traditions. Could it be time to bring some to a close? If you do, why not replace them with something new that will be more likely to endure? Following these eight objectives can make all the difference:
- Meaning, not perfection. If you’re focused on how your holiday will look on your socials, you’re getting it wrong. Your friends and your kids don’t want perfection. They want connection with you, knowing they’re loved, included, and part of something special. So instead of the expensive dinner at that restaurant that hasn’t changed in 50 years, you have a pajama night where everyone bakes cookies while watching their favorite holiday movies. Shoot for togetherness instead of Pinterest.
- Simple and easy. Know what traditions kids enjoy the most? The ones they’re a part of – simple activities they remember from year to year. Maybe everyone helps to make those wreath cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. Could be a group walk through the neighborhood to look at decorations. Simple, predictable traditions like these create both stability and anticipation, helping us cope with a fast-changing world.
- Connection, not consumerism. A lot of the holidays centers upon material things like decorations and presents. But the most enduring holiday traditions are about people, not things. Families and friend groups can build simple traditions around things like storytelling, playing games, making video calls to distant relatives, or volunteering together to feed people in need.
- Mix old and new. When you carry forward customs from your childhood, it helps your kids feel more connected to their family’s history and heritage. And when you do new things that reflect your family’s unique relationships, you make things meaningful and relevant for everyone.
- Focus on giving. When we join together to help others, we strengthen our own connections and become more compassionate and grateful. Volunteering at a community event, baking treats for neighbors, or “adopting” a family in need helps replace consumerism with real meaning.
- Involve the kids. If you want to be confident your children will continue the tradition after you’re gone, have them help you create it. That way, it becomes their tradition, too. Their input in planning activities keeps them more interested and less likely to whine.
- Keep it flexible. Kids outgrow more than their clothes. They also outgrow traditions. Trying to force them to continue some may be embarrassing or even humiliating for them as they get older. Adapt the traditions to their changing needs and personalities. Instead of forcing them to see the holiday ice show again, treat them to a concert.
- Time for togetherness. If traditions are meant to bring us together, it’s important to make sure we include time together without distractions like phones or multitasking. Slowing down and enjoying things like a family game night or sharing stories from your childhood holidays builds connections.
Is there a family tradition you’d love to eliminate but aren’t sure how to proceed without causing arguments and hurt feelings? Talking about the issues and personalities with a professional counselor can help you find the most effective way to address them. If you’re already dreading a tradition you dislike, reach out to schedule a session with one of our counselors. You may be surprised at how much that can help.