We tell our children we’re always willing to listen and that they can come to us at any time, but what do you do when they refuse to communicate with you? The best ways to create an environment in which your child begins to open up include:
- Being emotionally available. Even when your child seems to be pushing you away, do your best to remain calm, present, and open for them. Don’t use guilt or pressure to force them to talk, because that never builds relationships. Instead, let them know you’re there to listen whenever they’re ready. (If your relationship has become toxic or unsafe, check with a counselor for advice on how to proceed, so you can protect yourself and your family.)
- Regulation, not reactions. We understand how upsetting these situations can be, but it’s critically important for you to take control over your own emotions. That’s because staying calm and focused helps your child regulate their own emotions and nervous system.
- Create safe moments. Find low-pressure ways to stay connected, such as sharing a meal, going someplace fun, performing quiet activities like reading or hobbies side-by-side, or even sitting quietly with them. Your presence tells them they’re important to you.
- Let them start. Don’t try to force them into conversations when they don’t feel like talking.
- Patience and consistency. It takes time to build (or rebuild) strong connections, but actions like these reassure them that you do care and want to continue to be part of their life, even when that may get hard to do.
Finding it difficult to build those connections or feeling overwhelmed? Sitting down and talking with one of our highly skilled counselors can help you get through the tougher moments and give you strategies tailored to you and your child.