A generation ago, when parents fretted about their family’s screen time, they were normally referring to the hours they and their kids spent hunkered down in front of the TV. Nobody imagined every family member – even the kids! – having screens of their own on which they could consume the content of their choice.
But that’s exactly where we’re at today. In addition to parents having their own smartphones and tablets, most school-age kids spend a significant amount of time staring at screens. The average age at which kids get their own phones or other devices seems to slide lower every year.
Mental health professionals have watched as the amount of total screen time has soared. And the longer family members are on their personal screens, the fewer face-to-face interactions they have with the rest of the family. Those daily interactions are what build bonds within families, and having fewer of them can lead to feelings of disconnection and reduced quality of communication. Screen time can also interfere with regular family routines and activities, such as meals and bedtime. When children encounter negative or distressing content, it causes stress and anxiety that can spill over to the rest of the family.
In addition, screens are a contributing factor to issues with mental health at all ages. Why? They replace the real human connections we need to feel safe, loved, heard, and appreciated.
That’s why parents need to take an active role in managing the family’s screen time. From daily or weekly limits for everyone (yes, mom – that means you, too) to setting tech-free times during meals or before bed, parents can ensure their families actually interact. It’s also important to pay attention to what children are consuming through their screens. Remember all the things you hid from your parents? Don’t be surprised when yours are doing the same. Today’s kids are encountering pornography at much earlier ages, when it can be more difficult for them to understand and process what they see.
So what can parents do to protect family time – and their family? Kids learn from what they see, so if Mom and Dad’s eyes are focused on screens for hours each day, the kids assume that’s the way good adults behave. If they hear you laughing about the trashy posts you’ve seen, they’ll start paying attention to trash of their own. It may be tough to limit your own screen time, but it’s a lot easier to correct your kids when you’re not doing what you don’t want them to do.
It’s also important to create activities that provide an alternative to screen time. When was the last time everyone gathered around board games? Your kids are likely to enjoy playing the board games you grew up with. Perhaps one evening each week could be family game time, where everyone gets to choose the game everyone else plays. Outside activities like trips to the park can also help – just don’t get caught staring at your phone while the kids are on the playground.
If you aren’t already using parental controls to monitor what your children are looking at, start. Make sure your kids understand that their devices represent a privilege, not a legal right, and in return for being able to use them, you get to look at their use anytime you want. Scroll through their browsing history and look for images they saved. It’s not easy to confront a child who has been looking at something that bothers you, but calm, honest conversations can nip bad behaviors in the bud.
Finding a healthy balance between screen time and real-life interactions is critical to maintaining your entire family’s mental health. If you’re already worried that the situation is out of control, talking with one of our professional counselorscan give you the strategies and support you need for shifting everyone’s focus away from those screens and back where it should be: spending quality time with each other. Contact us today.
