Many people grew up assuming that all blended families automatically functioned like TV’s Brady Bunch. When Carol and Mike Brady married, her three daughters, his three sons, and a dog named Tiger suddenly became a happy family. The problems they faced were usually hilarious, and they could always count on housekeeper Alice for common-sense advice and an endless supply of one-liners.
Every parent of a blended family will tell you it’s rarely that easy. No matter how much a couple loves each other and each other’s children – and no matter how well those kids get along – blended families have to contend with all sorts of unique challenges. Integrating different family traditions, roles, and expectations can be more difficult than couples expect. Fortunately, the process also presents unique opportunities for growth and building connections. Here are several ways parents can make things easier and better for everyone:
Respect differences. Blended families come from different backgrounds and experiences, and it’s important for everyone to respect the differences. It’s just as important to honor the existing relationships children have with their biological parents and extended family. Comments like “this your family now” may be well-intentioned but are far from helpful.
Establish expectations. Children from different families have been raised in different ways, and parents have their own approaches to parenting. That’s why it’s good to communicate openly about expectations for behavior, discipline, and household responsibilities.
Build connections. Kids aren’t automatically going to start liking their “new” siblings, so parents need to set the pace by building one-on-one relationships and develop positive bonds. That will encourage the kids to get to know each other. Family activities like outings and game nights can strengthen connections.
Open dialogue. All families benefit from open and honest communication, but it’s especially important for blended families. Address issues quickly to head off misunderstandings and create a safe space where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings.
Promote respect. Create an environment of mutual respect where everyone’s opinions and feelings are valued. When conflicts occur, address them immediately and constructively. Don’t let anger and resentment stay, because it won’t go away on its own.
Maintain routines. Be aware of and integrate important routines and traditions from both families. In addition, create new routines and traditions together.
Be patient. Blending families is a gradual process, and creating overly optimistic expectations is a recipe for frustration. Instead, approach the relationships realistically and with patience. Let each family member adjust to the new dynamic at their own pace.
Seek support. Even the most successful integration of families can be stressful at times. If challenges or unresolved conflicts are preventing a good transition or beginning to endanger the new marriage, there’s no need to struggle on your own. Turn to a professional counselor for help in moving forward. We have counselors who specialize in helping blended families create positive relationships for everyone involved. The best way to start is for the parents to sit down with a counselor and describe the challenges.
