Mental health struggles are always challenging, but issues that involve your family members and your relationships with them can be especially tricky and frustrating. That’s because of the deep emotional ties and inherent complexity of getting along with parents, siblings, children, and others we’ve come to think of as our “close” family members. However, it’s extremely important to prioritize our own emotional well-being as we navigate our relationships with those around us, and these five strategies will make it easier for you.
- Communicate with compassion – Open, honest, and compassionate communication can be particularly effective in addressing the underlying issues in all kinds of relationships, including your interactions with family members. When you’re able to express how you feel without blame or accusations, others may better understand your perspective, which can foster healthier and more positive interactions. It’s important to be mindful of your own emotional state, so you engage in these conversations when you have the required emotional capacity. Instead of talking about what others have done, use “I” statements to express your feelings without making accusations (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…”). Listening actively and empathetically to family members’ points of view can foster more open and respectful conversations. If the conversation becomes heated or is clearly one sided, give yourself permission to step away to reassess their capacity for understanding. This may lead to setting additional boundaries.
- Set healthy boundaries – One of the most effective strategies for protecting your mental health is setting clear boundaries. Boundaries allow you to safeguard your emotional capacity and prevent family members from overstepping in ways that activates stress or anxiety. Whether it’s limiting the frequency of interactions, setting clear expectations for communication, or even just saying “no” when that’s the right choice for you, healthy boundaries will give you options needed to show up the best version of yourself.
- Distance or dosing – Sometimes, the most effective way to protect your mental health is by creating physical or emotional distance from toxic family members or situations. While that can be strikingly difficult to do, it’s an important step to preserve your peace of mind and emotional reserves. Begin by giving yourself permission to take a step back when interactions are harmful to your mental health. In some cases, that may involve limiting how often you talk with or visit your family members. We often refer to this as emotional “dosing,” explaining that it doesn’t mean you don’t care about your family, but rather that you’re allowing yourself the barriers needed for health and well being.
- Find external support – If the dynamics are causing you significant distress, it’s helpful to look for allies who can navigate challenges, whether that’s a professional counselor or a life coach. Working with a counselor can be beneficial because they’re skilled at helping you untangle complicated emotions, teaching more effective ways to communicate, and offering tips for managing difficult family relationships. Working with someone outside the family circle can give you a valuable outside perspective, along with practical tools that help with the positive change you desire and deserve. (Care to Change has several podcast episodes about navigating family issues that may give you practical insight and helpful strategies for change.)
- Practice self-care – Sometimes we spend so much time and expend so much effort trying to help other family members with their challenges that we neglect our own needs. Trouble is, if you’re not in a good place emotionally, you’re probably also not providing effective help for others. If you make a point of engaging in regular self-care activities, you’ll be better able to restore balance, reduce anxiety, and prevent burnout. Follow us on social for weekly self care tips and tricks.
It’s important to remember that you’re in charge of your own mental health. No matter how family members may treat you today or how they may have hurt you in the past, you’re in charge of determining how you’ll respond or move forward. If family conflicts have you losing sleep or dreading events where you’ll see each other, it’s probably time to find a counselor or life coach who can help you build boundaries that will protect your well-being. You are so worth the investment.
Here’s a podcast on breaking generational patterns that might be influencing your mental health.
And a second podcast for navigating mental health together as a family.