Maybe you discovered his texts, saw them together in a public place, or were tipped off by gossip from a “helpful” acquaintance. Perhaps you even caught him red-handed. In any case, the suspicions you’ve harbored have finally be proven to be true.
So now what do you do?
Ask ten different people, and you’ll get ten different answers. Search desperately through Google or social media, and you’ll see so many courses of action from so many self-styled experts. Should you leave? Should you stay? Confront him? Pretend it isn’t happening?
If you’re seeking a simple answer, I’m going to disappoint you. There isn’t one, because every situation … and every relationship … is unique. But I do have some hopeful news for you. I’ve seen many marriages that not only survived infidelity, but actually grew as a result of it. The experience became part of the story that strengthened the marriage and became a dramatic testimony to the power of forgiveness, God’s care, and redemption.
For that to happen, there has to be a strong desire for a positive future by both husband and wife. Both parties have to have an equal desire to resolve the current issue and strengthen their commitment to a future together. There has to be repentance for the actions that endangered the marriage and genuine forgiveness that acknowledges what happened, confirms that it was wrong, and sets the stage for moving beyond it. If both of you are willing to work at it, your marriage may become even stronger, but if only one of you desires meaningful change, it can’t happen.
While most people think of infidelity as sexual behavior, that’s not the only kind. It’s possible for a spouse to cheat entirely on an emotional level without sexual contact. As we’ve written before, infidelity doesn’t even have to be with another person. It may be a too-strong devotion to a job or even with a hobby. Anytime a spouse puts something else ahead of the marriage, the relationship is in danger.
So now what do you do? Turning to your friends and acquaintances or social media probably isn’t the best course of action. If your marriage is truly the most important thing in your life, you can’t afford to make the wrong decision. We suggest sitting down with one of our professional counselors who has experience guiding couples through similar situations. It’s an opportunity for you to share your feelings with an objective observer who can help you explore the steps to take. We understand that you’re hurt and angry, but if you want to your marriage to survive, you need to take that first step … and you need to do it today. Call us. We have immediate openings.